Where is your Illusion of Control?

by Paul Hester

25 years ago
i thought it couldn't get any worse than Ronnie Raygun.
25 years ago
still believed that my photographs could change the world.
25 years ago
i had never used a computer.
i didn't know what it meant to be a parent.
i was driving a brand new VW Rabbit.
i still harbored dreams of fame and fortune.
i was certain i would receive another NEA grant.
i hoped that someday i could teach at Rice.
i assumed that i would eventually get organized.
i didn't drink coffee.
i was in therapy.
i put way too much emphasis on appearances.
i knew one photograph was worth 1000 words.
i felt sure that a photograph spoke for itself.
i was adamant that a photograph must be autonomous.
i confused arrogance with conviction.
i refused to accept why the client is always right.
i didn't know why we called them old farts.
i expected HCP to remain a bunch of volunteers.
i still thought that i was immortal.
i mistook.
i didn't understand.